No matter how well you know your guy (or think you do), there are things he's never gonna share. Some are innocent; others...well, you might want to sit down.
Carrie Sloan
When you first start dating a guy, it makes sense that he would conceal stuff he's not particularly proud of—his disorderly apartment, his hairy back, his mother's daily phone calls. But by the time you're a serious couple—maybe even living together—you probably assume you know your bedmate's every last habit, flaw, and idiosyncrasy. Don't be so sure.
According to new research published in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, one in 10 men are harboring a serious sexual secret. "There are two kinds of secrets guys keep," says Les Parrott, author of Crazy Good Sex. "Things they wish their wives or girlfriends would understand but are scared they won't, and things they're just plain trying to get away with."
With that in mind, we polled hundreds of men to learn what they hide at each stage in a relationship and enlisted experts to offer their insights. We discovered there's a decent chance your man is keeping at least one dirty secret. Read on to find out what, if anything, you should do about it.
When You're Dating...
What he's hiding: The number of women he's had sex with
Some men exaggerate to sound more sexually experienced; others lowball so you don't dismiss them as players. "Men know that if they confess to a large number of partners, it sends the message that they're unlikely to commit to one. That is, to you," says David Buss, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of The Evolution of Desire.
What you should do Take him at his word, but protect yourself. Be vigilant about using a condom every time you have sex—at least until you've both been tested for STDs and you feel secure that you're in a committed relationship. If you do somehow discover that he's deceived you about his sexual history, get it out in the open, but give him a chance to explain. "He could have fibbed out of embarrassment, insecurity, or sincere interest in you," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.
What he's hiding: He looks at porn—maybe a lot
According to a study at Brigham Young University, 87 percent of men have looked at some form of porn in the past year, and one in five help themselves to X-rated fare daily. Men like to look at naked chicks—no surprise there—but what is shocking is how quickly they can become dependent on those erotic images. A powerful pleasure cocktail of endorphins and epinephrine (hormones responsible for arousal and alertness) are released while a man watches porn, Parrott says. And that feeling can become addictive.
What you should do Occasional porn isn't the problem; it only becomes a wrecking ball when it starts to intrude on your sex life together. "The two big questions are 'Is it interfering with your life and relationship?' and 'Is he using it to avoid something?'" says sex therapist Sandor Gardos, Ph.D. If he actively hides his material and makes excuses to avoid having sex, be concerned.
Broach the subject when you're calm and rational. "Angry accusations never go over well," Gardos says. Another tactic: Suggest watching together. "It becomes compulsive when he feels like he has to hide it," he says. So if you're willing to share it with him, you'll take the compulsion out of the equation. Plus, experts say, viewing erotic images together can enhance your sex life.
What he's hiding: He compares you to his last girlfriend
It's true: Your guy whips out his ex ruler and measures everything about you: your looks, your bedroom abilities, how well you get along with his friends. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. "It's normal to make comparisons, and an ex is his most recent reference point," says Christopher Blazina, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Tennessee State University.
What you should do Nothing. He'll inevitably come to the conclusion that you blow away anyone else he's ever been with, and the silent comparathon raging in his mind will cease. When you should do something: if he frequently blurts out things like "My ex always..." or "My last girlfriend never..." It's not necessarily a sign that he hasn't gotten over her, but it can still be hurtful, Blazina says. When that happens, it's fair to tell him, for example, that you don't want him bringing up the details of their trip to Mexico. Chances are, he's not even aware he's been doing it and will be happy to stop.
from : http://www.womenshealthmag.com
